I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
