I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
