Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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