Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
