How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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