...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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