Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just google imaged poop.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
