This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
