I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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