I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
