They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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