i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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