I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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