Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
