By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.