My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.