Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me