Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Nipple clamps can be ambiguous

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  (651): Nipple clamps can be ambiguous http://tfl.nu/3muz
  Replies (2) Good night (933) Bad night (1413)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

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  (903): My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. http://tfl.nu/fhlb
  Replies (35) Good night (5377) Bad night (933)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game

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  (240): We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game http://tfl.nu/lfk3
  Replies (8) Good night (892) Bad night (6530)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.

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  (847): oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame. http://tfl.nu/543s
  Replies (9) Good night (3871) Bad night (972)
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  (714): View more from California

  You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

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  (714): You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that http://tfl.nu/q1k2
  Replies (13) Good night (4824) Bad night (1396)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you can't hurt those

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  (314): I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over (314): you can't hurt those http://tfl.nu/gmcq
  Replies (7) Good night (4709) Bad night (1177)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.

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  (613): my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v7qv
  Replies (10) Good night (1184) Bad night (3721)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?

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  (817): did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER? http://tfl.nu/7lnp
  Replies (10) Good night (2159) Bad night (1431)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

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  (614): I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan http://tfl.nu/3du7
  Replies (3) Good night (2481) Bad night (749)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.

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  (269): We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all. http://tfl.nu/epk0
  Replies (4) Good night (1927) Bad night (905)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?

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  (401): he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid? http://tfl.nu/msiw
  Replies (8) Good night (2174) Bad night (767)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.

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  (503): I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested. http://tfl.nu/ut9v
  Replies (1) Good night (1782) Bad night (1172)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.

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  (570): If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it. http://tfl.nu/cvsi
  Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (425)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.

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  (570): Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep. http://tfl.nu/bc4p
  Replies (1) Good night (976) Bad night (394)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.

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  (703): Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/t0sc
  Replies (2) Good night (1066) Bad night (319)

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