I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
