so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.