I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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