last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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