oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
