Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So vagazzling was a success
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
