he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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