he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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