Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
