I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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