wrigley field is MILF paradise
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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