I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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