new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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