Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
