a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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