If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
