I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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