If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
