Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
