guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
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The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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