he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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