dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
