I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
