i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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