you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
