Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
from now on my penis is your penis
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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