I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
