when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think my moral compass just broke
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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