There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
