I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
