I have demons in me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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