ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
