His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
