my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I believe in your delicious
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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