you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
