oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
