his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
