your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
