hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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