How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize