so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
