he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
