all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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