My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
