You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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