haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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