Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
