i already hear my dad disowning me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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