My hair reeks of homosexuality.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
