Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
