boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
