life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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