Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
