it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
