I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
