It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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