I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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